Category: news

  • “I’ve always listened to the suggestions of the people I work with. It doesn’t mean I do what they say, but I listen”: How Symphony Of Destruction turned Megadeth from tech-thrashers to Platinum-selling sensation

    Near the end of 1991 – just months after Megadeth’s latest album, Rust In Peace, earned the band their third Gold record – singer/guitarist Dave Mustaine sent demos of several new songs to the band’s record company. The group were scheduled to track their fifth album with producer Max Norman (Ozzy Osbourne, Death Angel) shortly after New Year’s Day, and the label wanted to make sure they were ready.

    “I don’t know that I was there when this happened,” Dave says, “but [then-bassist David] Ellefson said that they said we needed a couple more songs – more songs, better songs, longer songs, I don’t know.”

    Soon after, Mustaine picked up his guitar and came up with a powerhouse part that, along with Enter Sandman and Smells Like Teen Spirit, became arguably one of the three most iconic heavy riffs of the entire decade.

    “It was one of those songs where you play the riff, and all of a sudden, something inside you just perks up,” Dave recalls.

    Still, the song that would become Symphony Of Destruction – which would soon catapult Megadeth out of the metal underground and into the rock mainstream – was far from finished.

    “The chorus and the verse were still two completely separate moments,” Dave says. “That’s usually how my songwriting goes – I write riffs, and then I try to assemble them.”

    As he wrote the music for the song’s chorus, Mustaine says he drew from none other than the Fab Four. “The chorus is just a moving chord progression,” he explains. “I got that inspiration from when The Beatles had moving bass chords under their chords.”

    The chugging bass line, meanwhile, was inspired by a Queensrÿche song that he heard on a Los Angeles radio station. “They were playing Jet City Woman and I went, ‘That’s the bass part. That’s what I want,’” Dave recalls. “It’s cool, because you never know where you’re going to get your musical inspiration from.”

    The same can be said of the lyrics, some of which came to Mustaine as he was driving. “I wrote them on the back of a sushi receipt, because I was kickboxing and preparing for my first black belt, and I would go eat sushi pretty regularly after I would train,” he says. “That same sushi restaurant was the place where I got the girl in Countdown To Extinction to say, ‘One hour from now.’ It wasn’t just good sushi – I got two songs out of them!”

    Lyrically, Symphony Of Destruction – which Dave says was inspired by the classic film and book The Manchurian Candidate – describes the dangers of the ‘Pied Piper’ effect, where citizens blindly “dance like marionettes” to the will of corrupt political leaders. While its tone is undeniably cynical, he says took care to avoid passing final judgement himself.

    “I don’t think it’s my place to say who’s smart and who’s stupid,” he says. “I think that’s evident once people get the facts for themselves. That’s why I always try and encourage our fans to decide for themselves. Not knowing something is ignorant, and knowing something and choosing the wrong thing is stupid, so you’ve got to ask yourself when things go wrong: ‘Was it an ignorant mistake, or a stupid mistake?’ I don’t try to point out stupidity, and I don’t like to make people feel bad – unless they piss me off.”

    Once the song was fully written, Mustaine and his bandmates recorded a demo, which clocks in at 88 seconds longer than the version metal fans around the world would soon come to know and love. (The demo appears as a bonus track on a 2004 reissue.) Dave is quick to acknowledge the input of producer Norman, who proposed moving the final verse from before Marty Friedman’s guitar solo to the end of the song.

    Symphony… was our first bona fide single – everything else was just songs that we got lucky to get airplay for

    “I can’t take credit for Max Norman’s genius,” Mustaine says. “He’s an amazing producer and engineer. Before we even went into the studio together, I had given Max the demo tapes. I don’t know if it’s the arrogance of the people we’ve worked with, but he’s the only person who ever came back to me with notes on the songs.

    “I’ve always listened to the suggestions of the people I work with. It doesn’t mean I do what they say, but I listen. That’s what you pay these guys for, and they can make some pretty sizeable improvements if you’re man enough to listen.”

    Dave says he followed a similar path when the band’s record label chose Symphony… to be the album’s first single.

    “Remember, you’re talking about a band that didn’t have singles,” he says. “We’d just pick cool songs and make videos and pray that we’d get on MTV. Symphony… was our first bona fide single – everything else was just songs that we got lucky to get airplay for.”

    Symphony… unquestionably broke that mould. The song would peak at No.15 on the UK singles chart, while back home its music video saw Megadeth graduate from the Saturday night wasteland of Headbanger’s Ball into the weekday afternoon playlists of viewer request countdown show Dial MTV. The clip even made a respectable showing on the channel’s Top 100 Videos of 1992 year-end countdown, where, at No.68, the band found themselves sandwiched between Madonna and U2.

    Megadeth in 1993

    Dave on the Countdown To Extinction tour in 1993. (Image credit: Lisa Lake/Getty Images)

    In no small part due to Symphony…, Countdown To Extinction debuted at No.2 on the Billboard 200 in the U.S. and No.5 in the UK upon its release, and would quickly earn the band their first Platinum – and, to date, their only double-Platinum – record.

    “It’s funny when you start to make inroads like that,” Dave reflects. “You have choices to make – if you’re going to stick to your guns, or if you’re going to take the girl that you brought to the dance home with you, the song that makes you big. We had that conundrum – do we keep writing songs like the singles, or do we write songs like the non-singles? After Countdown…, we started to feel the pressure.

    He continues: “A lot of people who are in our business now weren’t around back then, and they don’t know how we got treated. They don’t know the doors that had to be constantly beaten on and kicked down just to get some recognition.

    “Everybody thinks, ‘I can walk around with my tattoos and I’m some bad-ass in a band,’ and all that kind of stuff. It wasn’t like that back then. If you were in a band, you had to struggle. You lost friendships; you saw relationships go in the trash. It was like, ‘What’s your primary love?’”

    While the main riff of Symphony… wasn’t as intricate as most of Megadeth’s previous material, Dave says he was never concerned about how the song would be received by the group’s fans.

    “When you write songs that are busy, and then you write something that isn’t but it still satiates you, there’s something to be said for that,” he says. “The opening riff, it’s a world-famous riff now, and the cool thing is that it’s taken on a kind of folklore.”

    He references a performance of the song during a Megadeth concert in Buenos Aries in 1994, soon after the country relaxed its laws and began allowing more Western acts to perform.

    “The fans embraced us, and we ended up doing five sold-out shows in a row,” he remembers. “It began the love story between Dave Mustaine and Argentina.”

    As the band played the opening notes of Symphony…, the rabid Latin American crowd began to chant along in unison. (A live DVD, That One Night – Live In Buenos Aires, Argentina, which can also be seen on YouTube, captures a similar moment.)

    Says Dave, “I stopped in the middle of the song and said, ‘What are you saying?’ They said, ‘Aguante Megadeth!’ ‘Aguante’ means keep going, and the kids were going ‘A-guan-te Me-ga-deth’ along to the riff.”

    According to setlist.fm, that 1994 performance is one of more than 1,700 times Megadeth has played Symphony… to date – and as the band’s lone constant, only Mustaine has been onstage for all 1,400-plus. Does he still enjoy looking down and seeing the song on the group’s setlists after all these years?

    “Yeah, truth be told,” he says. “It’s nice to be able to look down at the setlist and see anything!”

    This article was originally published in 2022. Megadeth’s summer North American tour kicks off in La Crosse, Wisconsin on July 31.

  • Ghost Unveil The 2 Big To Rig Trailer, The Only Pro-Shot Footage That Exists From Their Entire Phone-Free Skeletour

    Ghost-2-big-2-rig-trailer

    Ghost have released the official trailer for 2 Big To Rig, their second feature film and second collaboration with Trafalgar Releasing, arriving in cinemas and IMAX worldwide on Wednesday, August 26 for a limited run. Captured live on 16mm film across two sold-out nights at Mexico City’s Palacio De Los Deportes in September 2025, the movie is built to drop you into a crowd Trafalgar puts at close to 40,000 people. And because Skeletour was a strictly phone-free tour, this is the only professionally shot footage of Papa V Perpetua and his Nameless Ghouls that exists from the entire run. Tickets are on sale now.

    🎧 STREAM THE METAL BREAKDOWN DAILY NOW:

    Ghost just dropped the trailer for the only pro-shot document of an entire phone-free world tour — and Scott Penfold breaks down what 2 Big To Rig means for the Skeletour era on tomorrow’s Metal Breakdown Daily. Download the free Loaded Radio App on Apple iOS and Google Play and stream the broadcast now.

    Watch The 2 Big To Rig Trailer

    What Makes This Different From Rite Here Rite Now

    Ghost’s first feature, 2024’s Rite Here Rite Now, was a global box office Top 10 smash — but it was also a hybrid, weaving the band’s ongoing narrative lore through the concert footage. 2 Big To Rig throws that structure out. This one is about the live ritual and nothing else.

    The film cuts between the performance and behind-the-scenes interludes spotlighting the crew members who turn the band’s theatrical vision into a functioning nightly production — the riggers, techs, and hands who make a Ghost show physically happen. It’s a rare acknowledgment from a band whose entire aesthetic depends on anonymity that there’s an army of people behind the curtain.

    Setlist-wise, the film pulls from all six Ghost albums, including 2025’s global No. 1 Skeletá, alongside non-album favorites Mary On A Cross, Kiss The Go-Goat, and The Future Is A Foreign Land.

    Also Recommended – Ghost Albums Ranked Worst To Best — The Definitive List

    The Title Is A Joke About Why Skeletour Ended

    Here’s the detail worth understanding, because the title isn’t random. 2 Big To Rig is a nod to the sheer scale of the Skeletour production — the show got so enormous that Ghost called time on the tour in February 2026 after 70 dates across North America, Europe, and Mexico.

    That’s also the reason the film exists. There were entire territories where staging the Skeletour production simply wasn’t logistically possible, and this is how those fans get to see it. And there’s a more specific, more human reason too: Ghost had three Mexico City dates planned, and the first was canceled due to illness, leaving two. The film was made in part for the fans who held tickets to that lost first night — many of whom appear in the footage from the shows that did happen.

    Trafalgar’s Kymberli Frueh, EVP of content acquisitions and programming, framed the release as <cite index=”19-1″>”a fitting farewell to an era for fans”</cite>, noting it lands before the band steps into a well-publicized break.

    Why The Phone-Free Policy Makes This A Genuine Event

    Ghost went phone-free for the entire Skeletour cycle — a decision we flagged back when the 2026 leg was confirmed — and whatever you think of the policy, it had a real consequence. There is no ocean of fan-shot footage from these shows. No shaky vertical clips of Papa V Perpetua’s entrance racking up views. Seventy shows across three continents, and almost nothing on the internet.

    Which means 2 Big To Rig isn’t just another concert film release. It’s the only professionally shot record of what that tour actually looked and sounded like, and for anyone who wasn’t in one of those rooms, it’s the only way in. That’s a rarer thing in 2026 than it sounds.

    We first reported the film’s IMAX release back in May, and today’s trailer is the first real look at it. 2 Big To Rig opens in cinemas and IMAX worldwide on August 26 for a limited time, with tickets on sale now and screening information available at 2BigToRig.com.

    Check This Out – 13 Metal Songs That Were Banned—And The Real Reasons Still Shock Fans

    ghost-2-big-to-rig

    TL;DR

    • Ghost have released the official trailer for their second feature film, 2 Big To Rig
    • It opens in cinemas and IMAX worldwide on Wednesday, August 26 for a limited run, with tickets on sale now
    • The film was shot on 16mm across two sold-out nights at Mexico City’s Palacio De Los Deportes in September 2025
    • Because Skeletour was phone-free, this is the only pro-shot footage of Papa V Perpetua and the Nameless Ghouls from the entire tour
    • Unlike 2024’s Rite Here Rite Now, it focuses purely on the live ritual, with behind-the-scenes segments on the crew
    • The title references Skeletour ending in February 2026 after 70 shows, with the production having outgrown what could be staged in many territories

    FAQ

    When does Ghost’s 2 Big To Rig come out?

    2 Big To Rig opens in cinemas and IMAX worldwide on Wednesday, August 26, 2026 for a limited time only. Tickets are on sale now, with screening and showtime information at 2BigToRig.com.

    Where was 2 Big To Rig filmed?

    The film was captured live on 16mm across Ghost’s two sold-out shows at the Palacio De Los Deportes in Mexico City in September 2025.

    How is 2 Big To Rig different from Rite Here Rite Now?

    Rite Here Rite Now blended Ghost’s narrative lore with concert footage. 2 Big To Rig focuses exclusively on the live show, adding behind-the-scenes segments featuring the crew who stage the production each night.

    What does the title 2 Big To Rig mean?

    It refers to the scale of the Skeletour production, which grew so large that Ghost ended the tour in February 2026 after 70 shows, and which could not be staged at all in some territories.

    Who is the frontman in 2 Big To Rig?

    The film features Papa V Perpetua, the character who fronted Ghost throughout the Skeletá album cycle and the 2025 and 2026 Skeletour dates, backed by the Nameless Ghouls.

    Seventy shows, three continents, phones banned the whole way — and this is the only real footage that exists. That alone makes August 26 a must. Are you catching it in IMAX or a regular screen? Let us know in the comments, and follow Loaded Radio for daily rock and metal news.

    The post Ghost Unveil The 2 Big To Rig Trailer, The Only Pro-Shot Footage That Exists From Their Entire Phone-Free Skeletour appeared first on Loaded Radio.

  • Teenage Fanclub Announce New Album Do Not Dare To Dream: Hear “Day In The Sun”

    Once upon a time, SPIN picked Nirvana’s Nevermind as the second-best album of 1991. Nevermind was clearly a great and important record, but as far as the SPIN editors were concerned, it couldn’t quite compete with Teenage Fanclub’s Bandwagonesque. Bandwagonesque was the Scottish power-poppers’ third LP, so they were already established, and they were at their peak as critical sensation. At least in the UK, they went on to make some actual commercial hits from there. While they never achieved Nirvana levels of renown, Teenage Fanclub are absolute legends within their field, and they never stopped moving forward.

    The post Teenage Fanclub Announce New Album <em>Do Not Dare To Dream</em>: Hear “Day In The Sun” appeared first on Stereogum.

  • Bam Rigby Silhouette Review

    Bam Rigby Silhouette Review

    The track “Silhouette” envelops listeners from the very first seconds. It creates a nighttime ambiance that makes you want to drive through the city in the dark. The wet asphalt reflects the city lights, adding to the mood. This modern production highlights the artist’s exceptional compositional skills. As the song unfolds, the rhythm grows increasingly urgent and danceable, yet it remains atmospheric. The backing vocals contribute ethereal moments reminiscent of a mirage.

    Bam Rigby Silhouette

    “Silhouette” resonates with a theme of perseverance, encouraging listeners to continue fighting for their dreams while keeping their silhouette etched in memory. This track possesses strong mainstream potential from an artist who has a clear and solid vision of their approach to music. The influences of Coldplay can be felt in the song’s structure and melodic elements, which makes it an enjoyable recommendation for a wide audience.

    The modern production techniques evident in “Silhouette” elevate the track beyond mere listening; they create an immersive experience. The artist combines rhythmic vitality with atmospheric textures.

    Silhouette – Sound and Atmosphere

    The song’s thematic content stands out as well. It speaks directly to the listener’s aspirations and dreams. Such messages are relatable and necessary in today’s fast-paced world. This blend of lyrical depth and musicality gives the track a relatable edge that could easily appeal to many.

    The instrumentation reinforces the lyrical themes elegantly, completing the picture the artist paints through their words. The overall atmosphere is modern and reflective, encapsulating a sense of nostalgia that resonates with many.

    Silhouette – Performance and Production

    While the song showcases this danceable rhythm, it also maintains a dreamlike quality. The artist expertly balances these opposing elements, creating a multifaceted listening experience. It’s a seamless blend of introspection and celebration, appealing to a broad spectrum of emotions.

    “Silhouette” is a strong showcase of Bam Rigby’s artistic capabilities. The modern production, combined with thoughtful composition, makes it an impressive single. The song’s engaging rhythm, atmospheric qualities, and impactful lyrics position it well for mainstream audiences. Those who enjoy music that blends reflection with energy will find much to appreciate here.



    Refined

    🔥 If you love this music: Discover More


    Find Bam Rigby here:
    Spotify | Instagram

    For fans of:

    Coldplay


    The post Bam Rigby Silhouette Review appeared first on Edgar Allan Poets – Noir Rock Band.

  • By Congressional Order, Noah Kahan Tells Concertgoers To Wear Diapers

    I don’t know what it is with Noah Kahan, but something about his music and live performances has fans releasing things that are not meant to be released in public. For the past month, concertgoers, on separate occasions, have been shitting and peeing themselves at his shows. Despite this embarrassing, confounding, and selfish degradation that fans are subjecting themselves to, Kahan is handling the situation pretty well… or at least with consistent humor.

    The post By Congressional Order, Noah Kahan Tells Concertgoers To Wear Diapers appeared first on Stereogum.

  • Bret Michaels Reveals Trip From Stage to Surgery

    Poison singer says he played three shows with kidney stone agony and thanks medical team for their professionalism. Continue reading…
  • THE OLDEST HOUSE – THE ART OF ABYSSWALKING

    (Andy Synn would like to invite you all to enter The Oldest House) There’s another common phrase – and, boy, do I seem to be using a lot of them recently, don’t I? – that goes something like “better late than never”. Which might as well be our motto here at NCS sometimes, because if we […]

    The post THE OLDEST HOUSE – THE ART OF ABYSSWALKING appeared first on NO CLEAN SINGING.

  • Chad Hugo Shares First-Ever Solo Single “JUMPUPW!NYA” Feat. Tierra Whack & Leikeli47

    For many years, Chad Hugo was one half of the Neptunes, the legendary Virginia Beach production duo who changed the sound of rap, R&B, and overall pop music in the ’90s and ’00s. It’s hard to overstate the impact of the Neptunes, who made a dumbfounding number of classic hits and whose playfully spartan space-funk continues to reverberate today. Hugo was also a founding member of the Neptunes’ N.E.R.D. side project. He was the quieter side of the Neptunes, the one who didn’t sing hooks and appear in every video like Pharrell, but he was a crucial part of the whole — though the actual internal dynamics of the Neptunes are still a matter of some debate today.

    The post Chad Hugo Shares First-Ever Solo Single “JUMPUPW!NYA” Feat. Tierra Whack & Leikeli47 appeared first on Stereogum.

  • How Queen Became One of the Most Influential Rock Bands in History – @thebeast

    How Queen Became One of the Most Influential Rock Bands in History

    Some bands become successful.
    Others become part of music history.
    Queen belongs to the second group. With unforgettable songs, powerful performances, and a unique approach to songwriting, the band transformed what rock music could be. Decades after their rise to fame, their music continues to inspire new generations of listeners around the world.
    Their success was not built on following trends.
    It came from creativity, confidence, and a willingness to take risks.
    The Formation of a Legendary Band

    Queen was formed in London in 1970.
    The classic lineup featured Freddie Mercury on vocals and piano, Brian May on guitar, Roger Taylor on drums, and John Deacon on bass. Together, they created a sound that combined rock, opera, pop, and experimental influences.
    From the beginning, Queen stood out because they refused to be limited by one style.
    They could create powerful rock songs, emotional ballads, and complex musical arrangements within the same career.
    Creating a Unique Sound

    Many rock bands build their identity around one specific sound.
    Queen took a different approach.
    Their music blended heavy guitar riffs, layered vocals, dramatic arrangements, and theatrical elements. This combination helped them create songs that were instantly recognisable.
    The band explored different musical styles while keeping their own identity, which helped them reach audiences far beyond traditional rock fans.
    Their creativity showed that rock music could be ambitious and unpredictable.
    The Impact of Bohemian Rhapsody

    Few songs have had the cultural impact of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
    Released in 1975, the track challenged expectations about what a popular rock song could be. Instead of following a traditional structure, Queen combined multiple sections, including ballad elements, opera inspired vocals, and powerful rock moments.
    The song became one of the band’s defining achievements and helped introduce their music to millions of listeners worldwide.
    It proved that audiences were willing to embrace something different.
    Freddie Mercury’s Stage Presence

    A major part of Queen’s success came from Freddie Mercury’s performance style.
    Known for his powerful voice and charismatic stage presence, Mercury turned live performances into unforgettable experiences. He connected with audiences through confidence, energy, and theatrical expression.
    Queen understood that a concert was more than just playing songs.
    It was about creating a moment people would remember.
    Changing the Live Music Experience

    Queen helped redefine stadium performances.
    Songs such as “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions” were designed to involve audiences, turning thousands of fans into part of the performance.
    Their famous appearance at Live Aid in 1985 remains one of the most celebrated moments in live music history, showcasing the band’s ability to connect with huge audiences.
    They proved that a rock concert could become a shared experience.
    Inspiring Future Generations

    Queen’s influence can be seen across many areas of music.
    Artists from different genres have admired their songwriting, performances, and willingness to experiment. Their ability to mix musical styles encouraged future musicians to think beyond traditional boundaries.
    Their songs continue to appear in films, sporting events, and performances worldwide.
    That kind of longevity is rare.
    A Legacy That Continues Today

    Although Freddie Mercury passed away in 1991, Queen’s music has continued to reach new audiences. The band’s legacy has been maintained through continued performances, including shows with Adam Lambert alongside original members Brian May and Roger Taylor.
    New listeners continue discovering Queen’s music, proving that great songs can cross generations.
    Exploring Music Around the World

    Music has always connected people across different countries and cultures.
    Fans travelling to concerts, festivals, or music events often plan their trips carefully, including transport, accommodation, and spending money. Understanding travel costs and local expenses can make journeys easier to manage. For example, travellers visiting South Africa for music events or holidays may want to explore more when learning about the local currency and travel money requirements.
    Final Thoughts

    Queen became one of the most influential rock bands in history because they combined musical talent with creativity and fearless experimentation.
    They showed that rock music could be dramatic, emotional, and completely original.
    Their songs continue to inspire millions of people because they created something more than music.
    They created experiences that people remember.
  • “Welcome to a night you will remember forever”: Ghost release first trailer for concert film/documentary 2 Big To Rig

    Grammy-winning hard rock devil church Ghost have released the first trailer for their upcoming concert film 2 Big To Rig.

    The follow-up to 2024’s Rite Here Rite Now is set to hit cinemas and IMAX screens worldwide from August 26, and tickets are on sale as of today (July 23). Watch the trailer below and get tickets via the film’s website.

    “You have been chosen to partake in a ritual celebration that world has not yet seen,” a voiceover says at the start of the trailer. “Welcome to a night you will remember forever.”

    Unlike Rite Here Rite Now, which mixed concert footage with an original story connected to the Swedish band’s mythos, 2 Big To Rig offers a behind-the-scenes look at the globe-trotting Skeletour, which took place from 2025 to ’26 in support of their sixth album Skeletá.

    The live recordings were captured during Ghost’s residency at the Palacio de los Deportes in Mexico City in September 2025. Originally scheduled as a three-show run, the first planned gig was cancelled last-minute due to singer Tobias Forge (who performs as Papa V Perpetua) contracting food poisoning.

    The 10-month Skeletour was an entirely phone-free event, after Ghost experimented with banning mobile devices at two shows in 2023 and enjoyed the results. Concertgoers kept their phones on their person, but had them placed into magnetically sealed Yondr pouches upon entering the auditorium. The only way the pouches could be unsealed was by a member of venue security.

    In April 2025, Forge explained that he was banning phones because he felt an “ever-growing distance” between himself and his audiences.

    “I felt that I have a problem with watching someone [in the audience holding up a phone in front of their face]. It’s irritating,” he told Metal XS. “Maybe I’m old-school, maybe I’m old-fashioned. I just feel that we’re having an intimate moment, and it disturbs me that you’re filming while we’re doing this together. I’m doing something for you to respond to me.”

    Response to the phone ban was widely positive, and it inspired other rock artists to follow suit. Iron Maiden singer Bruce Dickinson told Hammer last year that he supported the practice. When the UK metal giants hit the road for their 50th-anniversary Run For Your Lives tour last spring, they discouraged fans from bringing phones. Mobile devices were then outright banned for a gig in Paris this summer.

    2 Big To Rig was announced last week and will come out via Trafalgar Releasing, who distributed Rite Here Rite Now.

    Kymberli Frueh, EVP of Content Acquisitions and Programming at Trafalgar, commented: “We’re proud to share it with cinema audiences worldwide before Ghost takes a well-publicised break. It’s the perfect way to close such a significant chapter in the band’s history and give fans a chance to relive this moment together.”

    Ghost are currently on hiatus, as Forge hopes to spend more time with his family and gain inspiration for future projects.

    “I’ve had two kids waiting at home with my wife for 15 years,” the frontman told Full Metal Jackie. “And maybe that says something about me that it wasn’t a pushing enough factor during those years. Believe me, I felt bad, but I’ve definitely come to a point where I feel, physically and mentally, I need to be home. [My kids are] 17; they’re not gonna be around for an eon.”